weekend recipe!

I love posting Friday recipes. Understandably, during the week, you all are a little exhausted all week from working, going to school, taking care of kids, etc. But I know that when I post on a Friday, I get to enjoy an entire week of getting the most delicious photos ever from you on twitter! It’s one of my favorite things in the world and I look at every food photo you guys send. Most dishes look infinitely better than mine.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have told you this, as I’m probably gonna get a tweet that says, “Thanks, Chrissy! So yummy!” and it’s going to be a penis or butthole. Don’t do me like that, friends!!

So. Mexican Lasagna. EASY, and SOOOOOOO GOOD. Love the noodle replacement, tortillas. They have super low-carb tortillas, too. Did you know that? I didn’t. Did I use them? No!!! Low carb or fakey versions of things that are supposed to be super carby scare me. I once spent an entire afternoon strategically ordering different kinds of “Miracle Noodles”. Angel hair, fettucini, ramen….I paid for same-day delivery, knowing I wouldn’t even be home to cook — I was that excited.

Now, if you don’t know about these suckers, the “Miracle Noodle” is a shirataki noodle, and shirataki is made from the ummmmm, devil’s tongue yam. Thank youuuuuu, wiki. Anyhoo, the noodles brag about being carb-free, gluten-free, and soy-free. What they fail to tell you is that I also found them to be appealing-to-the-eye-free as well.

Each serving comes in a little plastic bag, FILLED WITH NOODLES IN A SEMI-CLOUDY GEL. You are supposedddddd to just rinse off and toss em in with whatever else is already heated and cooked, but the instructions should also add how disturbing this process is. Just looking at it riled my gag reflex. This is coming from someone who will literally eat street meat from any dirty cart in the world. I’ve had ant salad. Bone marrow (delicious). This gel? Immediately. wanted. to vomit. This is as far as they got with me before I finally needed the drawer space (FOR MY DOG LEASHES, AND DOG COLLARS, AND DOG TREATS, AND OTHER THINGS THAT MAKE ME AN AWESOME DOG OWNER, CHLOE) and dumped every miracle noodle package down the trash chute.

I’ve heard from MANY people that once you get past the gel (I admire anyone that could get past the gel), that it is actually a really awesome noodle / pasta substitute. Like tofu, it pretty much takes on the flavor of anything it is mixed with. Am I endorsing miracle noodles? No. I have no idea what they taste like. But I doooo endorse a low-carb lifestyle, especially when you are like me and pretty, um, inactive. And “low” doesn’t mean “no”! I just think about the choices more, and it’s the only thing I can actually make a lifestyle out of to keep off that “midsection thickness”. Short torso, can’t afford it!

I also ordered about 6 loaves of low-carb bread from Julian’s Bakery online, only to see Whole Foods has it. Who on earth buys six bags at a time? My idea was to try them all and find which one I liked most. But I arrived home 2 days after the box did, and let’s just say it looked like some sort of bonsai tree. Something about this bread makes it off itself pretty quickly. I would too, carb-less, ironic bread. I would too. No longer will you feel pain. My point? If I want bread or pasta, I’m not a bad person, and it isn’t wrong to want it. Having to rinse off gelatin or eat bread a day within I get it because it’s a huge baby and overly sensitive makes me feel like it’s a crime to want carbs. NO! I will not have it. I will eat in moderation.

Annnnyhow, I hate talking about dieting. I just get a lot of people asking, “do you even EAT what you make??” and the answer is yes! If I can’t avoid the carbs in it, I just eat less of it. But if it’s all protein and veggies, I glop it with bacon or chipotle or eggs or whatever else and eat the shit out of it, as much as I want. Would a nutritionist favor this? Probably not. But it works for me and I feel good…although my little heart and arteries might be working overtime sometime around the year 2040.

BACK TO THE MEXICAN LASAGNA! Full disclosure, I was pretty drunk making all of this. The photos suck, and I don’t recall any changes I made, aside from just adding way more spices and herbs to the meat. The same spices it called for, just more of it. Heavy hands, people! Heavy hands! If your meat isn’t crazy flavorful while it’s cooking, it’s not gonna get any better in the lasagna as it actually bakes. Bland meat, bland lasagna. Unless you let it sit overnight or something…that’s when I notice that flavors really pop. Like those scalloped potatoes, too. Mmmmm.

Oh my god Chrissy just post the effing pictures.




Ha! I was going off about the stupid low-carb tortillas and meanwhile forgot that there is literally an assload of rice and beans in this recipe. Barely any meat in comparison. Told you I was drunk. So yeah. Definitely give up on the low-carb tortilla option.

I’d post more but the other photos are somehow even worse than this. Paired with my favorite, chipotle chicken (make sure to also click the link to see how to bake the chicken, this is just the marinade) and a mexican caesar salad. What makes it mexican? I dunno. The corn and bell peppers and the store bought chipotle ranch dressing? And the cotija cheese? If you believe it, your guests will too.

Pioneer Woman (duh) mexican lasagna recipe HERE!

Xx! Enjoy your weekend!