Tag Archives: sweets

HELP

12 Jul

I was about to post one simple little recipe for sea salt chocolate chip cookies, but like that evil mary jane, sea salt chocolate chip cookies only seem to be a gateway drug, as I have found myself finding more and more delicious baked goods being waved around in my face when I hope from site to site, drooling.

I need help man. And I don’t even LOVVVVVE sweets (I’m a salt person myself).

I need an intervention. At the end you can ask me if I will accept your pleas for help and head to buttfuck egypt florida to attend baked goods rehab. I will hesitantly agree then the screen will fade to black and the words “Chrissy left Harmony Baked Goods Rehabilitation after 17 minutes.” and you will sigh because listen, you kind of got attached to me in that one hour, right? I seemed like a good enough person who just fell into a rough crowd. Then something traumatizing happened to me. Something that most people could get over easily but…for whatever reason…I turned to baked goods. “She used to be so active and fun”, you’d say, fighting back tears. I had wonderful relationships with anyone I encountered and now…now I’m just dark behind the eyes. It’s like I have been inhabited by a baked goods demon. I have started going through your drawers looking for cash. Pawning your things to support my habit. And you just. can’t. take it anymore.

Here. Take these recipes away from me, for my own good:

Sea Salt Chocolate Chip Cookies
Picture from citrusandcandy.com || recipe here.

Cinnamon Roll Pie (seriously, YUM)
Photo from summerofpie.com || recipe here.

citrusandcandy.com
photo from traceysculinaryadventures.blogspot.com || recipe here.

**A few things: First of all, “chocolate chip cream scones with maple coffee glaze” has SO MANY FREAKING AMAZING WORDS IN IT. As does “cinnamon roll pie”. And “sea salt chocolate chip cookies”. Fuck it no more talking chrissy want cookies omnomnomnomnomnomnomnlkjfgksjgslkgjslkgjslhkjfhlksjhlskhjdkjhldjfhdf

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PEACH SEASON!

10 Jul

Here’s another traumatizing experience for you…Whereas the last one came in the form of toffee, I have another one I can’t help but think about every time I think of peaches…

I picked up a peach from Albertsons when I was about 15 or or so, and as I walked through the store, I, for some reason, rubbed it against my cheek. It was so soft and velvety and I was apparently on ecstasy or something…I mean, who else would do that? Anyhow I went home and saw that my cheeks had about 500 tinnnnny little red bumps and a little piece of peach fuzz was sticking out of each bump. Turns out those little hairs are so fine that they can actually be sharp on something as delicate as, I dunno, YOUR FACE.

So yeah. I’m pretty positive you don’t need to be told this in the first place but….don’t rub peaches on your face.

With that, here’s some peachy recipes from yumsugar  ….. but I also stumbled across these peach wontons on foodgawker, and they look absolutely freaking delicious. It’s sunday….don’t they just seem like a tasty little sunday treat? I’m not home, but you can trust that I’ll be making them this week, along with sea salt chocolate chip cookies (you’ll hear more about those later!)

If this picture doesn’t make your peach juicy, then I dunno what will:

(photo from Amy at shewearsmanyhats.com)…more delicious photos and recipe here!:

http://shewearsmanyhats.com/2011/07/peach-wontons/

twix bar FAIL

9 Jul

What fun would this thing be if I only posted flawless, delicious recipes? Because for every 10 of those, there is 1 twix-bar monstrosity.

Remember how under “sausage links”, I posted the links to two different homemade twix bar recipes, one more difficult than the other? Well my dumb ass tried to be fancy and make the hard one. I won’t bore you with the details, but basically I undercooked the caramel, the most crucial part of the recipe.

This comes from a traumatizing experience, years ago, when I was making peanut brittle that I hoped would rival the peanut brittle of See’s candies (have you had it?? it’s fucking awesome). Anyhoo, the caramel/toffee started to brown very, very quickly and I got frazzled and lifted the pot over to the pan and attempted to quickly spoon it out….

The thick toffee made a lonnnnng string from pot to pan and, in my haste to just stop it from cooking, I grabbed the toffee string. It quickly swirled and IMMEDIATELY hardened onto my hand.

I picked it off (it hurt like hell) and underneath the little swirly pattern was dark, almost black, skin….IN A SWIRL PATTERN. It was brutally painful and literally scarred me.

Back to the recipe though….

So yeah. I undercooked the caramel this time around….maybe subconsciously, I don’t know. All I know is that it never even ended up caramelizing and yet I was somehow okay with this. I also seemed to be okay with the fact I could mentally gauge the temperature of the caramel, rather than use a candy thermometer. I poured it over the shortbread where it was supposed to harden after a couple hours….

….looks good enough, right? WRONG. It never hardened. Ever. I never got to bring it to the 4th of July BBQ. You know, the one where I of course told absolutely everyone going that I was bringing a delicious treat to.

We returned home that night and I immediately ran over to see if maybe after…8 HOURS….it had hardened up a bit. No.

So I popped that shit into the freezer and took a shower (it is 1am-ish, by now)….and came out and tried my hardest to make something of this crap.

Next step? Cover the crap in chocolate and refreeze….

…looks like chocolate covered twinkles, which would have been a much better idea.

Mmmmm yay! Shit logs!

Ok clearly I had given up on this one. Didn’t even bother to take more photos. I refroze the little bastards and the caramel was stilllll wet and oozing out of the chocolate. Boyfriend says it was still delicious (how can caramel and chocolate and shortbread not be, I guess) but it was still a very poorly done recipe on my part and not one I would take anywhere. It’s still in the freezer. I refuse to try it.

Moral of the story: Cook your caramel. Cook. Your caramel.

xx

Lemon Ice Cream Sandwiches with Blueberry Swirl

8 Jul

Does that title freaking KILL YOU or what??? Holy crap. I want to make these asap so I can eat a ton and have an intense, overwhelming feeling of regret causing me to cry into my hands for the remainder of the night and look to the bottle as my only form of comforting insecurities that can only arise from choosing a profession based solely on one’s looks. I meannnnn I uhhhhh…forget it…just make them….here!

http://www.gourmet.com/recipes/2000s/2009/08/lemon-ice-cream-sandwiches-with-blueberry-swirl

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