I made breakfast this morning looking like this….
Sweet Cherry Skin Brightening Enzyme Peel. Let’s blame my egg mess-up on this flesh burning concoction.
Also yes. I realize it looks like feces.
Pssst. Is anyone still here?
Seriously. What just happened? Did I suddenly get a life or what?! I have been so terribly neglectful!
I had kind of a crazy week in Miami debuting my…ahem…new swimsuit collaboration (i refuse to be the kind of person who over-promotes things though, seriously) and now I am just keeping busy with “different projects”. God how fucking lame and pretentious does that sound? But really. I think life is coming together lately. Still have no idea what the hell Im doing, but it’s nice to be able to brainstorm and make the decisions for once.
Anyhoo….I really did like seeing that some of you guys were literally like, “bitch, get back in the kitchen!” or would just simply share photos of some of the things you made from my blog. Although I am STILL waiting for some of you to post photos from the fried corn recipe. YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT AND TAKE PHOTOS AND EAT IT BECAUSE I CANNOT!
I’ll be home for the next month or so…in buckle-down mode for a big swim shoot end of August…I’m sure you can guess what it is but I’m always silenced when it comes to dropping the name.
What does this mean? Well a lot of blogging, since I tend to blog more when I am at home, in bed, alone, hungry, and sad. But also a lot of random blogging that may not be about food at all. I hope you can deal! Food isn’t going to be as fun for the month of August, which makes me just sick, honestly…
The good news is that….hmmm what is the good news here….i dunno….the good news is that I missed you guys and I kind of have a nice, random backup of photos and meals to share. Not many recipes, as I haven’t been “surfing the net” (is that what the kids say?) for a while, but I’ll try to be more on top of my game now.
I MISSED YOU DID YOU MISS ME! (CIRCLE YES / NO)
What fun would this thing be if I only posted flawless, delicious recipes? Because for every 10 of those, there is 1 twix-bar monstrosity.
Remember how under “sausage links”, I posted the links to two different homemade twix bar recipes, one more difficult than the other? Well my dumb ass tried to be fancy and make the hard one. I won’t bore you with the details, but basically I undercooked the caramel, the most crucial part of the recipe.
This comes from a traumatizing experience, years ago, when I was making peanut brittle that I hoped would rival the peanut brittle of See’s candies (have you had it?? it’s fucking awesome). Anyhoo, the caramel/toffee started to brown very, very quickly and I got frazzled and lifted the pot over to the pan and attempted to quickly spoon it out….
The thick toffee made a lonnnnng string from pot to pan and, in my haste to just stop it from cooking, I grabbed the toffee string. It quickly swirled and IMMEDIATELY hardened onto my hand.
I picked it off (it hurt like hell) and underneath the little swirly pattern was dark, almost black, skin….IN A SWIRL PATTERN. It was brutally painful and literally scarred me.
Back to the recipe though….
So yeah. I undercooked the caramel this time around….maybe subconsciously, I don’t know. All I know is that it never even ended up caramelizing and yet I was somehow okay with this. I also seemed to be okay with the fact I could mentally gauge the temperature of the caramel, rather than use a candy thermometer. I poured it over the shortbread where it was supposed to harden after a couple hours….
….looks good enough, right? WRONG. It never hardened. Ever. I never got to bring it to the 4th of July BBQ. You know, the one where I of course told absolutely everyone going that I was bringing a delicious treat to.
We returned home that night and I immediately ran over to see if maybe after…8 HOURS….it had hardened up a bit. No.
So I popped that shit into the freezer and took a shower (it is 1am-ish, by now)….and came out and tried my hardest to make something of this crap.
Next step? Cover the crap in chocolate and refreeze….
…looks like chocolate covered twinkles, which would have been a much better idea.
Mmmmm yay! Shit logs!
Ok clearly I had given up on this one. Didn’t even bother to take more photos. I refroze the little bastards and the caramel was stilllll wet and oozing out of the chocolate. Boyfriend says it was still delicious (how can caramel and chocolate and shortbread not be, I guess) but it was still a very poorly done recipe on my part and not one I would take anywhere. It’s still in the freezer. I refuse to try it.
Moral of the story: Cook your caramel. Cook. Your caramel.