FINE, HERE.

12 Aug

Ok remember how I was gonna do a review on chicago deep dish pizza? I ordered 1 pizza from the top 3 places recommended to me on twitter and had a mini pizza party.

I certainly remember. BECAUSE EVERYONE KEEPS REMINDING ME TO WRITE ABOUT IT.

Well. Here is it. I’ll tell it to you straight because we are best friends.

It was a tie.

THEY ALL LOSE.

Okay so fine. I know that if you live in Chicago, or are from Chicago, or have been there once, you freaking love this stuff. I know it. I know it because you verbally mutilated me on twitter for saying it wasn’t my cup of tea, because I don’t like huge pieces of shit in my tea (aziz ansari). But this is MY BLOG and I. Don’t. Like. Deep Dish.

Which is why I will just post some pictures from the day. And you can see at the end which pizza became the lesser of 3 evils. Deal? Deal.

First? Gino’s East.

Ok, Gino. We need to talk. Firstly, what is up with your crust? If ANYONE wanted whack pieces of thick, flavorless bread that I’d rather discard than consume, why would you put SO much of it around a pizza? I feel like this issue could all be solved with a little garlic powder and…I dunno…A LITTLE THOUGHT AND CARE INTO THE RECIPE? I guess that’s just me. Secondly, what is up with your crust? Thirdly, what the fuck is up with your crust?

Next, Pizano’s.

Well mister Pizano. I’ve always wondered if it was humanly possible to have too much cheese on something. Since birth, my mind has been consumed with this single, pestering question. You sir. You made me realize that it IS possible. Anything is possible. And for that, I thank you. But I think it’s really cool that with what you lacked in overall flavor, you made up for in cheese. Way to balance.

And lastly, thank god, Giordano’s.

Alright, Giordano’s. I’ll admit it. You are physically pretty. But on the inside, you seem to be a little bit….meh. Like Megan Fox, or something. You are the Megan Fox of pizza.

Ok see why I put this off for so long? Because by the end, I cared SO little. It’s not my style. I didn’t grow up on cheese casserole with tomato topping. I just didn’t. So blame it on my upbringing.

For the record, Gino’s East won. It was like picking the best actor between Nic Cage, Keanu Reeves, and Nic Cage.

Congrats to all who participated.

x

52 Responses to “FINE, HERE.”

  1. Jamie August 12, 2011 at 8:52 pm #

    I’ve lived in Chicago for a year and I HATE Chicago-style pizza. It is not pizza! It is essentially casserole! Gross. Give me thin-crust any day. I’m with you, sister.

    Also on an unrelated and completely shallow note, what nail polish do you wear?? I keep seeing it in pictures, it’s like pinkish whitish pretty? Please tell so I can immediately go buy it.

  2. Finísima Persona August 12, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

    OMG… can’t stop laughing… and I LOVE the stuff…

    Must be incredibly reassuring to know you’ll always have cooking AND comedic writing to fall back on in case this ‘getting paid for being incredibly good looking’ thing doesn’t pan out, right?

    Love this blog. Keep it awesome…

  3. DGAF August 12, 2011 at 8:55 pm #

    Wamp, I need to get a life I was looking forward to this review, Oh Well
    Maybe you will also review Alinea and write it as if you G.A.F, or maybe not MEH.

  4. Scott Duckson (@scottduckson) August 12, 2011 at 8:55 pm #

    YES! You nailed it. COMPLETELY! Thanks for taking on Chicago. Cheers!

  5. carolyn August 12, 2011 at 9:03 pm #

    It’s definitely an acquired taste. I’m disappointed in my fellow Chicagoans for not recommending Lou Malnatis! If you visit again, they have great pizza and salad.

    Your turn now, I’m currently in New York. Where should I get the best pizza in NYC?

  6. Lauren Benoit August 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm #

    I couldn’t agree more. I dont see what all the rage is about Chicago pizza. I had a pizza the other day up here that was descent and by descent I mean I finished it because I had too.

    Great blog. Funny as always and I always here your infectious laugh through your blogs

    Xo

  7. Andrew Griffith (@MATLOQ) August 12, 2011 at 9:16 pm #

    I felt my cholesterol go up just looking at those pictures. Each slice should come with a dose of insulin. Those portions are obscene
    .

  8. ChicagoGirl110 August 12, 2011 at 9:21 pm #

    Lou Malnati’s is more of the same crap. It’s like saying, “You hate cats? Well, you never met MY cat!”. Chicago pizza is gross. Also, if you don’t get deep dish, they cut your pizza in squares. I have to specifically say “Pie-cut” in order to get triangles. What the fuck is THAT about?!

  9. Tyler August 12, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

    “Chicago deep-dish” is a fucking lie. It is low-rate Stouffer’s lasagna baked onto the most cardboard of cardboard crusts. I allow myself one slice per year and always regret it.

  10. Wil B August 12, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    I guess the Twitter haters are too lazy to click the link to the blog and spew negativity.

    Too much cheese? Inconceivable.

  11. Robin Palmer Hosking August 12, 2011 at 9:38 pm #

    I love Chicago to bits but Christ almighty the deep dish pizza was a really bad idea. As a european (Englishman to be precise), I think that any pizza which is essentially thicker than a side on view of Megan Fox is going to be so devoid of flavour, you might as well call it a large water biscuit (or cookie as you’d call it).

    This is a way fun blog!

  12. lyndsaykc August 12, 2011 at 10:54 pm #

    I always look forward to your posts. I know how to bake but savory not so great, love the recipe ideas and LOVE garlic as well!!! I also second the request on your perfectly pink polish…do tell!!

  13. Jessica August 12, 2011 at 10:59 pm #

    Uhm. Totally worth the wait and exactly what I expected because, well, you have taste. Love the comment about the squares! Seriously WTF? oh and I also need to know what the nail polish color is.

    Thanks for the drunk post. I drunk read it and enjoyed.

  14. Mariposa August 12, 2011 at 11:11 pm #

    I don’t know what deep dish is, but it isn’t pizza. I love Chicago, but they should really consider distancing themselves from this stuff.
    I tried deep dish at a Superbowl party in Chicago in 2007, and I’m not entirely sure it has finished digesting yet. I digress….

    Your blog is great. Thanks for keepin’ it real.

  15. twheetybird August 12, 2011 at 11:13 pm #

    LOL – I can’t have too much pizza to begin with, no matter how delicious.. and I try to at least make sure my husband doesn’t wolf down most of it :-). Just looking at this made me “dik”. I’m with you on this Chrissy! Say NO to deepdish bread, posing as a pizza!

    I need to cook something with one of your recipes this weekend… Deciding what it would be… No meat, no fish (I think we had a whole lamb and the entire Indian ocean this week)…

    oxo

  16. laviecrue August 12, 2011 at 11:18 pm #

    Have you ever had one of your coworkers hack your iPhone and change your mom’s contact picture to goatse so that every time she calls you expect to see her warm, smiling face but what you really get is a gaping asshole? That’s pretty much how I feel when someone orders “pizza” and we get Chicago deep dish instead.

  17. Christina August 12, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

    I’ve never eaten Chicago style pizza. Looks disgusting. I imagine you feel full and totally weighed down after just one piece. Yick. Thanks for the post! And I was also wondering what nail polish you wear but never asked. Could you please share? Pretty please.

  18. John August 13, 2011 at 12:01 am #

    Somebody has to stop the hating. Every time Chrisssy tweeted about this, she mentioned “thickcrust pizza.” Or maybe it was 2 words. Big, freakin difference between thick crust, deepdish, and stuffed pizza. I’m a lifelong Chicagoan who never heard of anyone ordering thickcrust. You’d have to be nuts. Language means something, (I realize my spelling is poor, is thick crust one word or 2?) and ordering thick crust is like ordering a steak well done. You just don’t want to do it. Giordanos stuffed/deepdish does have a light, flakey crust I’ve been trying to replicate for years. Less than a 1/4 inch thick, but it holds the toppings. If someone calls in, and orders thick crust,,,they will get a thick crust. That will be,,,bad. I’ve been trying to get that deepdish dough correct for years. Cut back the yeast, more cornmeal, etc. Hard to tell from the pictures exactly what Chrissy ordered. I love the blog, but, as a Chicagoan, I have to stick up for our pizza joints, on principle. And everyone wants to make it Chicago deep dish vs. New York thin crust. Chicago thin crust would win in a 1st round knockout vs. New York pizza. Everyone forgets we have that too.

  19. sara d August 13, 2011 at 12:33 am #

    you are hilarious and SO RIGHT about deep dish pizza. and nic cage.

  20. Tyson August 13, 2011 at 12:47 am #

    I couldn’t agree more! I’ve tried them all and was totally disappointed. The best Chicago-style pizza in America is Patxi’s Pizza in Palo Alto, CA. If you’re ever in town, check it out!

  21. Michelle B. August 13, 2011 at 1:09 am #

    Haha. Thanks for making us all full vicariously through you. Great post as always however I think Chicago is a tad confused. Sauce goes on the bottom. Cheese on the top. NYC pizza is the best hands down. Just like California has the best mexican food. Sorry SHAAAA CAA GO :)

    • Christina August 13, 2011 at 1:52 pm #

      Gotta say I think New Mexico has better Mexican food than California. :) California has better fish/seafood based Mexican food, i.e. fish tacos etc, but if you want classic enchiladas/chile rellenos/chimichangas New Mexico is the better bet. Can’t beat fresh Hatch Green Chiles. Not to argue with you or start any drama, just had to comment. :)

      • Abraham August 14, 2011 at 3:21 am #

        I have to totally agreed with Christina here. Hatch green chiles are a must try before you die. But Mexican food is soooo much more diverse than most Americans can even imagine. I’m glad a bit of it’s cuisine is being showcased and introduced (especially when Rick Bayless won Top Chef Mastsers with that amazing mole sauce), but there’s still so much more. I’m here wating for a cab in downtown Austin and it’s a damn shame I can’t get good mexican food here. I would set these hipsters and their ridiculous everythingness on fire for a hatch chile relleno!

  22. Lenny the elf August 13, 2011 at 3:13 am #

    Im from the UK and looking at these pics thinking wtf is going on here? Then remembered the frozen “Chicago Town” pizzas available here and have always wondered why they’re so bad! its not proper pizza! I am disappointed in Chicago, but thanks for the education! X

  23. Dirk J. Caldwell August 13, 2011 at 8:39 am #

    Chrissy, I couldn’t agree with you more Chicago (or any city for that matter) deep dish pizza sucks. Give me thin crust, brick oven pizza anyday!

    Love the blog. Pretty, sexy, funny, girls that can cook ROCK!

  24. Ron August 13, 2011 at 9:21 am #

    To all Chicagoans………first its dough, THEN sauce, THEN cheese, THEN toppings. If I see you put sauce on the top again, it’s the dunce cap for you! If you want the best pizza around, come to syracuse and hit Sami’s Pizza in Bridgport. The absolute best crust in the free world. It’s thin, not too crispy, and it practically melts in your mouth. For a real treat try his Chicken wing pizza. I always get the hot, though medium is good too if you dont want that burn.

  25. Jan Marie Caballero August 13, 2011 at 11:19 am #

    THANK YOOOOOOOOOU FOR POSTING THIS! Everyone I know raves about how great Chicago pizza is but deep dish pizza just doesn’t count as pizza (at least GOOD pizza). I will be sticking to my thin crust margherita pizzas.

  26. Teresa Ranscombe August 13, 2011 at 11:37 am #

    This year, my family and I visited Chicago for the first time and absolutely loved it. Fab city – can’t wait to go again. But oh the disappointment which was the Chicago Deep Dish Pizza!

    I asked a friend on Twitter where in Chicago did the best and he recommended ‘Pizzeria Uno’. I can only assume that he was born with no taste buds and that he is on the vertically- challenged spectrum, since the ‘sauce’ tasted like tinned tomatoes (and that is all) and the seating was such that only dwarves would be comfortable.

    Less like a pizza and more like a cake with savoury goo on it, I think that a bog-standard Pizza Express Margherita would knock it into a cocked hat.

    I hope to visit Chicago again but I hope never to meet with a Chicago Deep Pan Pizza.

  27. theresa August 13, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    hi chicago, i am really in the mood for a bowl of cheese if you have it. Oh, you do? awesome. with a drizzle of tomato sauce please, i do like vegetables.

  28. Caroline August 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    WTF? I thought you had ordered cheeseless pizza when I first saw these pictures. Never eating pizza in Chicago.

  29. Paige Steele-Rollins (@paigeashleyyy) August 13, 2011 at 2:39 pm #

    hahaha loved this! I’m a Chicagoan & out of those 3 places, I agree that Gino’s East wins…but I get what you’re saying about deep dish…overall its mehhh

    p.s. you should’ve tried Giordano’s deep dish, it’s “better” than all 3 of those places in my opinion!

  30. JBatt (@jrbatt) August 13, 2011 at 3:01 pm #

    Props to you, girl. I agree, people are crazy about that damn pizza. Admittedly though, I was in CHI last week and my immediate first stop was Giordano’s. Shit is like crack. Awesome post though. Now please excuse me while I go slam some leftover Papa John’s.

  31. James Dean August 13, 2011 at 3:59 pm #

    Nothing to do with the shit pizzas but….

    My friend: What you doing/
    Me: Just reading this woman’s blog, it’s well funny she don’t give a fuck!
    My friend: Who is she?
    Me: This model lady, she just lays in to everyone. It’s brilliant.
    My friend: Is she a bitch?
    Me: Well, an opinionated funny bitch, yeah. But aren’t we all?
    My friend: I like her!
    Me: Me too!

  32. Jamie Huntley August 13, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

    From Chicago ( lived there 16 yrs or so ) out of the three, I like Giordanos the best. However for Chicago style pizza & what bring me back is Home Run Inn. Its thin crust and
    the smell is amazing.

  33. Liz August 13, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

    My fav part of this is jlegend in the background of the gino’s pizza bones photo. Lol.

    Unrelated: wanted to give you a tip if you like choc + caramel things (like homemade twix). Make the dulce de leche brownies from David lebovitz. They are easy (one pan) and I AM OBSESSED, as is anyone I serve them to.

    Your blog is really fun to read. Xoxo

  34. Lee Burch August 13, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

    Two of the three places you chose are famous, but admittedly not very good.

    I can’t believe your survey left off Lou Malnotti’s – generally regarded as the king (just not by me)

    Personally Nancy’s is my favorite.

    Your gripes are all fair, but that isn’t the fault of deep dish – merely where you chose to get it.

  35. Lola August 13, 2011 at 10:14 pm #

    Haha I thought I was the only person who said “It’s a tie. They all lose.” On another note, all of those pizzas look disgusting. Those are made specifically for those who are gluttons for cheese. In this case, gluttons for cheese with a little bread and tomato on top.

  36. jaycee40 August 15, 2011 at 12:46 am #

    LOL!! You are hilarious :) I actually have a great love affair with both kinds of pizza, and if done right, (no thick crust mess) chicago pizza is great, but I will say that it doesnt make me think pizza I agree its more of a casserole lined in a buttery crust??

  37. thechosentwoo August 15, 2011 at 2:00 pm #

    I am now hungry :)

  38. lanuchan August 16, 2011 at 6:16 pm #

    I die…and I love you. Maybe it’s the East Coast in us, but I went to Chicago with big pizza dreams too, and they were instantly slashed. NYC pizza is just better. Motorino vs. Gino’s. There’s actually no comparison. Thanks for telling it like it is!! :) You are hilarious.

  39. Leigh August 17, 2011 at 3:53 pm #

    Also nothing to do with pizza (however I agree with your statements regarding Chicago’s cheese casseroles), I stumbled across your blog and I have to say, you are fucking hilarious. I was getting so bored with all the blogs that I read, and yours is like a breath of fresh awesome air.

  40. Jasmine...usually (@AndAllThatJas) August 18, 2011 at 12:41 am #

    I’ve lived in Chicago all of my life and I hate most deep-dish pizza except for Lou Malnati’s. Also, all pizza here doesn’t come in squares. Additionally, not all of our pizza is deep dish, but I think people just like to generalize. Generalize away fellow readers!

  41. Tony Chliek (@TonyChliek) August 18, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

    I agree with you 100%. The deep dish pizza is just too much of everything. Nothing better than a good NY thin crust pizza.

  42. Wellbutrin XL 300 (@WellbutrinXL300) August 19, 2011 at 10:42 pm #

    OK, help me out here since I’m a redneck who never travels more than a tank of gas away from home. Were all of these pizzas at LEAST superior to Pizza Hut and chains like that? Or does even Domino’s put these places to shame? Thank you.

    P.S. Your blog is great. The bacon post alone had me giggling off and on for days.

    P.P.S. Are you always so testy? Because it’s just awesome!

  43. Nicc August 24, 2011 at 4:02 am #

    I dislike deep dish urrrgggghh, give me thin and crispy any day – with no more than 4 toppings!

    I’m hoping to make TK’s bacon this weekend but finding it hard to find the nitrate In NZ!

  44. DTfromKC August 26, 2011 at 4:59 pm #

    Thin Crust.

    That is all.

  45. RanDumb Foolishness! September 27, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    Bwahahahahaha, I’ve lived in Chicago all my life & I didnt know we had a style of pizza until I was 19 & went to Sandusky, Ohio and saw a restaurant named, “Chicago STyle Pizza”. I said hunh? cuz Im an eater & this just made no sense to me! I was confused & felt neglected like Chicago was holding out on me, then I tasted it & went on about my life after realizing “eh” I couldve had a V8!

    I will say Chicago deep dish pizza is great when ur having a real lazy, fat day at work & everyone wants to put in on it! Disclaimer: its hard to find people who want the same mix, I prefer spinach & will bend for spinach & sausage anything else is uncivilized in my world!!!

    I took my first trip to Ny this year & had Ny style pizza….let’s just say I fell in love & serial raped that mofo! Everyday I was there I ordered a slice…there’s something about having a slice of pizza bigger than your face with grated cheese & red pepper falling all over your clothes, that I just cant explain!!!

    In conclusion Chicago style pizza is aight when Im n the mood 4 a heart attack but NY Pizza can give me love handles everyday of the week!!!! I think Im gonna fly up to show it just how much I missed it!!!! (insert perverted, demented & illegal thoughts here)

  46. Nikki Noble (@NikNoble) October 12, 2011 at 11:17 pm #

    LOL we just left Giordano’s. Although I love Chicago style deep dish pizza, I still found your article entertaining and fun.

  47. thedancingrunner October 17, 2011 at 5:47 pm #

    SO with you on this. I went to Chicago last year so excited about their famous deep dish and was NOT impressed. I prefer NY style pizza. There are better things in Chi-town. Like, say, Garrett’s cheddar/caramel Popcorn! Pretty amazing stuff!

  48. Jofil (@orexata) March 8, 2012 at 7:44 am #

    Difara’s Pizza Brooklyn NY. Nuff said.

  49. Sadye January 5, 2013 at 11:54 pm #

    New reader/follower here who’s clearly making up for lost time. I’m just going to be super-happy that there’s more deep-dish pizza for me in this world. That said, if you are so inclined to give Pizano’s another shot, they make excellent regular-crust pizza AND this fantastic dessert that’s basically cookie dough baked in a miniature pizza pan with ice cream, whipped cream and caramel drizzled all over. SO. GOOD.

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