twix bar FAIL

9 Jul

What fun would this thing be if I only posted flawless, delicious recipes? Because for every 10 of those, there is 1 twix-bar monstrosity.

Remember how under “sausage links”, I posted the links to two different homemade twix bar recipes, one more difficult than the other? Well my dumb ass tried to be fancy and make the hard one. I won’t bore you with the details, but basically I undercooked the caramel, the most crucial part of the recipe.

This comes from a traumatizing experience, years ago, when I was making peanut brittle that I hoped would rival the peanut brittle of See’s candies (have you had it?? it’s fucking awesome). Anyhoo, the caramel/toffee started to brown very, very quickly and I got frazzled and lifted the pot over to the pan and attempted to quickly spoon it out….

The thick toffee made a lonnnnng string from pot to pan and, in my haste to just stop it from cooking, I grabbed the toffee string. It quickly swirled and IMMEDIATELY hardened onto my hand.

I picked it off (it hurt like hell) and underneath the little swirly pattern was dark, almost black, skin….IN A SWIRL PATTERN. It was brutally painful and literally scarred me.

Back to the recipe though….

So yeah. I undercooked the caramel this time around….maybe subconsciously, I don’t know. All I know is that it never even ended up caramelizing and yet I was somehow okay with this. I also seemed to be okay with the fact I could mentally gauge the temperature of the caramel, rather than use a candy thermometer. I poured it over the shortbread where it was supposed to harden after a couple hours….

….looks good enough, right? WRONG. It never hardened. Ever. I never got to bring it to the 4th of July BBQ. You know, the one where I of course told absolutely everyone going that I was bringing a delicious treat to.

We returned home that night and I immediately ran over to see if maybe after…8 HOURS….it had hardened up a bit. No.

So I popped that shit into the freezer and took a shower (it is 1am-ish, by now)….and came out and tried my hardest to make something of this crap.

Next step? Cover the crap in chocolate and refreeze….

…looks like chocolate covered twinkles, which would have been a much better idea.

Mmmmm yay! Shit logs!

Ok clearly I had given up on this one. Didn’t even bother to take more photos. I refroze the little bastards and the caramel was stilllll wet and oozing out of the chocolate. Boyfriend says it was still delicious (how can caramel and chocolate and shortbread not be, I guess) but it was still a very poorly done recipe on my part and not one I would take anywhere. It’s still in the freezer. I refuse to try it.

Moral of the story: Cook your caramel. Cook. Your caramel.

xx

19 Responses to “twix bar FAIL”

  1. Nathan July 9, 2011 at 10:40 pm #

    Best one yet. Shit logs all around tomorrow. Bloody funny. Keep Your blog going. It’s great.

  2. Leni July 9, 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    At least you tried! I have an awesomely delicious, but more importantly, super easy recipe for homemade chocolate croissants that I think you’d love. They are SO GOOD. The best part is you don’t have to cook any caramel!

  3. Gayla Adrianne July 9, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    I would have still ate a few. The chocolate looks yummy! There’s always a next time! Lovin the blog! :D

  4. Camille July 9, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

    Woah still looks delushious. Ever made a chocolate caramel sea salt tart? What a mouthful, literally.

  5. A Tablespoon of Liz July 9, 2011 at 11:01 pm #

    It still looks aaahhh-mazing. I would have eaten them. And it sounds like you had a blast making them at least!

  6. Dean July 10, 2011 at 5:34 am #

    Never cooked wearing a towel, myself.

  7. Gob July 10, 2011 at 11:41 am #

    Maybe just use caramel flavored Magic Shell next time?

  8. James Dean July 10, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

    Do you have any more delicious fish recipes? I think it’s going to be fish week in my abode.

    • chrissyteigen July 10, 2011 at 12:31 pm #

      I’ll be posting one tomorrow! steamed shanghai black cod with veggies, cooked in foil mmmmm

      • James Dean July 10, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

        That sounds fucking amazing. I’m not the best chef in the world, but once the recipe’s up I’ll give it a go for sure. If you cook it, they will come!

  9. ButtcheeksBrown July 10, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    Jack talk Thai, Jack talk Thai real well. Say that five times fast

  10. Jenny V July 10, 2011 at 3:53 pm #

    your blog makes me happy deep inside.

  11. Alfine July 10, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

    So this has nothing to so with the shit logs (to go along with your titling [-read that carefully]) but theres something about having the accompanying photos that makes reading the entry THAT more enjoyable :) You should def include more photos :D

    And I mean that in the most non creepy way possible haha.

    Just a 20yo girl who likes you :)

    But even that sounds creepy too….

    Ahhhhhhhh forget it!

  12. Yasmin Lennie July 11, 2011 at 7:27 am #

    I love that you are wearing a towel while cooking.. you crack me up.

  13. Jenny V July 11, 2011 at 8:11 pm #

    im making these right now!

    i only have semi sweet chps….should i just use those or suck it up and go get some bittersweet?

    • chrissyteigen July 11, 2011 at 11:28 pm #

      i know its too late but semi sweet is fine! more butter tho :)

  14. Maddie July 14, 2011 at 12:09 am #

    Nothing says yum-o like “shit logs.” By the way, your tweets make my days go by much faster.. in fact, I’m 80% sure I’ve favorited 80% of them. Please post more failed, disastrous things like these.. it makes me feel a little better about myself and my cooking.

  15. Boatertrash July 15, 2011 at 1:28 am #

    Love the blog, keep it going! I’ve been following you on Twitter for ummm, a while now. Lots of laughs.
    I’ve never been any good at the candy recipes so it’s nice to see someone else do as well once.
    Btw, is that first pic a chocolate Dirty Sanchez? :)

  16. monique July 19, 2011 at 10:02 pm #

    so…your post came up when i googled “twix: all grown-up.”
    okay, that’s a lie, but i wanted to let you know that i (at least quasi-successfully) made an adult version of the twix.
    this thing won’t let me post a photo (or i’m too tech-un-saavy to figure out how), but there was a pic in last month’s (july) issue of ‘bon appetit’ of “chocolate-caramel slice.”
    had to track down the recipe and give it a solid effort.
    yum.
    and topped with sea salt, to boot!
    think you might appreciate…
    just stared a little food-y blog and will add this to a post soon.
    be well,
    monique

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