Archive | 10:24 pm

twix bar FAIL

9 Jul

What fun would this thing be if I only posted flawless, delicious recipes? Because for every 10 of those, there is 1 twix-bar monstrosity.

Remember how under “sausage links”, I posted the links to two different homemade twix bar recipes, one more difficult than the other? Well my dumb ass tried to be fancy and make the hard one. I won’t bore you with the details, but basically I undercooked the caramel, the most crucial part of the recipe.

This comes from a traumatizing experience, years ago, when I was making peanut brittle that I hoped would rival the peanut brittle of See’s candies (have you had it?? it’s fucking awesome). Anyhoo, the caramel/toffee started to brown very, very quickly and I got frazzled and lifted the pot over to the pan and attempted to quickly spoon it out….

The thick toffee made a lonnnnng string from pot to pan and, in my haste to just stop it from cooking, I grabbed the toffee string. It quickly swirled and IMMEDIATELY hardened onto my hand.

I picked it off (it hurt like hell) and underneath the little swirly pattern was dark, almost black, skin….IN A SWIRL PATTERN. It was brutally painful and literally scarred me.

Back to the recipe though….

So yeah. I undercooked the caramel this time around….maybe subconsciously, I don’t know. All I know is that it never even ended up caramelizing and yet I was somehow okay with this. I also seemed to be okay with the fact I could mentally gauge the temperature of the caramel, rather than use a candy thermometer. I poured it over the shortbread where it was supposed to harden after a couple hours….

….looks good enough, right? WRONG. It never hardened. Ever. I never got to bring it to the 4th of July BBQ. You know, the one where I of course told absolutely everyone going that I was bringing a delicious treat to.

We returned home that night and I immediately ran over to see if maybe after…8 HOURS….it had hardened up a bit. No.

So I popped that shit into the freezer and took a shower (it is 1am-ish, by now)….and came out and tried my hardest to make something of this crap.

Next step? Cover the crap in chocolate and refreeze….

…looks like chocolate covered twinkles, which would have been a much better idea.

Mmmmm yay! Shit logs!

Ok clearly I had given up on this one. Didn’t even bother to take more photos. I refroze the little bastards and the caramel was stilllll wet and oozing out of the chocolate. Boyfriend says it was still delicious (how can caramel and chocolate and shortbread not be, I guess) but it was still a very poorly done recipe on my part and not one I would take anywhere. It’s still in the freezer. I refuse to try it.

Moral of the story: Cook your caramel. Cook. Your caramel.


just the tip time

9 Jul

Wouldn’t that be a great Wheel of Fortune “before and after”? Just The Tip Time. Because guess what, it is tip time.

I don’t even know why I feel like I am the authority on cooking and kitchen tips, I’m not, but I do fall greatly in love with products all the time so make me feel useful by smiling and nodding at my tips, will ya??

My most favorite baking spray in the whole world, Bak-klene. One can of this guy, and you can have perfect fish, golden-brown pancakes, cupcakes, cakes, crepes, meatloaf, whatever! Seriously….way better than pam spray or oil. I got it at a baking supply store and I use a bit of it with every meal…flavorless and everything comes out so clean with the prettiest darn coloring you ever did see. TIS A MUST HAVE!

anti-theft lunch bags

9 Jul

I sometimes wish I had a normal 9-5 job, so I could have lunch breaks and better understand all the passive-aggressive letters in breakroom kitchens that I read on

But since I don’t, does anyone have a use for these? And if you have any awesome or terrible office tales, post them below! I absolutely love office politics.

Anti-Theft Lunch Bags:

I just bought this…

9 Jul

…and I could not be more excited for its arrival!

The All-Clad Indoor Electric Grill. Can you imagine all the wonderful things you can make on this puppy? Especially since summer is ending (I am such a pessimist) and those nice BBQ’s outside are gonna have to hit the sack in the storage unit soon.

I’ve had a few George Foreman’s in my day, but I love how this let’s you control and see each part of the cooking process. I dunno. George is cool and all, but I don’t really want him doing ALL the work, you know?

That slit in the middle? All the greasy deliciousness falls through there, to be caught by the drawer below. A drawer full of fatty, flavorful deliciousness to cook your bacon and eggs with in the morning.

My only issue with this thing is that they ALSO sell the griddle version for pancakes and eggs, etc, which is essentially the same exact freaking thing with flat plates rather than….grill-y ones…i don’t know, but you get it right? How about you just make them flat on on side, then grill-y looking on the other! DAMMIT! I mean, I know this exists in the world and I could have bought it but hey…I get excited, buy, thennnn my concerns come to light. Or could they AT LEAST just sell flat plates as an “upsell” item rather than a whole other entire gadget with flat panels? Curses, All-Clad!

Anyhow. It’s on sale at Williams Sonoma right now. You know, the place where you always feel like you’re gonna break shit.

Regular, $400.00. Now, $299.99. I think it’s a good purchase for year-round usage!


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